Why It’s Time to Rethink the Baby Shower

(5 minute read)

When we think of a baby shower, we picture pastel bunting, piles of gifts wrapped in ribbons, cake and well-meaning family and friends celebrating the pending new arrival. But new mothers don’t need another stack of onesies or a high-tech gadget they may never use. What they truly need is a shower of support. They don't need things, they need care.

Because the weeks after birth are not just about a baby entering the world. They’re about a mother being reborn herself. Physically, emotionally, hormonally, she is in the middle of the biggest transformation of her life. Her body is healing, her nervous system is heightened, her identity is shifting. And what she needs more than anything is for her village to show up.

The Problem with the Current Baby Shower Culture

The idea of “showering” a mother with gifts has deep roots. In its earliest forms, it was about community gathering around a woman to honour her rite of passage into motherhood, often with offerings of food, wisdom, and practical help. But nowadays, and with the rise of social media culture, the original heart of the tradition has been overshadowed by consumer checklists and photo-worthy moments.

Instead of showers of presents, what mothers need are showers of presence. If you’ve ever wondered what new mums really need after birth, the answer isn’t more things for the baby; it’s more care and support for her.

The Disappearing Village

Not so long ago, mothers were naturally held within a community, comprising neighbours, extended family, and local networks of care. Postnatal life was deeply ingrained in the village's fabric. Meals were shared, older children entertained, and the mother was given the space she needed to heal. Indeed, in many cultures this is still very much the case. In many African, Asian and Mexican cultures, relatives gather around the new mother providing nourishing foods, performing daily tasks and physically caring for her to promote a new mothers healing and bonding.

Yet in much of the Western world, the postpartum landscape looks very different. Instead of a network, new mothers often find themselves alone just days after giving birth. Partners may return to work within a fortnight, grandparents may live hours away, and friends often assume the mother “has it covered.” Instead of being surrounded by nourishing food, shared wisdom, and hands-on support, Western mothers are showered with consumer goods, baby clothes, gadgets, and nursery décor, while their deeper needs go unmet. The expectation is that she will “bounce back,” fit the baby neatly into her old life, and do so with minimal disruption.

This absence of a village has consequences. Rates of postnatal anxiety and depression are rising, with loneliness and isolation cited as key drivers. New mothers in the UK frequently report feeling unseen, unsupported, and overwhelmed. Social media adds pressure, promoting a picture-perfect version of motherhood that leaves many women feeling as though they are failing when, in truth, they are simply missing the support structures that once held mothers through this transition. Where other cultures see postpartum as a collective responsibility, the Western world too often places it on the shoulders of one exhausted woman. And it’s no wonder so many mothers feel like they are spiralling, they were never meant to do this alone.

Today, through my work, I see the stark reality here in the UK. Mothers tell me again and again that they feel isolated. Their communities are fractured, their family often distant or estranged, and the pace of modern life leaves little room for collective caregiving. Internal statistics echo this. And national data backs this up: 1 in 5 women experience a mental health problem during or after pregnancy (NHS England, 2023), yet only 3 in 10 seek help (MMHA, 2022).

When the “village” is absent, the risk of postnatal anxiety and depression rises sharply. A lack of emotional and practical support is one of the strongest predictors of poor maternal mental health.

This is why the way we “shower” new mothers has to change. We can no longer assume that help will come from a natural network. Instead, we must create it intentionally, because chances are she will be too afraid to ask due to the social stigmas that are piled on a new mother, such as "you should be grateful" and "you are only allowed to feel joy". So if you’re asking yourself how to support a new mum after birth, the answer is simple: show up with care, not clutter.

What Mothers Really Need

If you’re wondering what to do for a friend or family member after she has a baby, the answer is usually practical, not material.

• Imagine if instead of filling her cupboards with more baby ‘stuff’, you filled her freezer with meals she can heat with one hand.

• Imagine if instead of everyone gathering to play games about due dates, a circle of friends gathered to commit to walking her dog, or running her older children to school, or picking up her food shop.

• Imagine if, instead of the unwrapping of gifts, she were given the gift of an uninterrupted shower or nap while a trusted friend held the baby.

These are the kinds of offerings that transform a mother’s postpartum weeks from survival into recovery.

A New Kind of Shower

What if we reimagined the baby shower as a mother shower? A gathering that celebrates her transition, honours her needs, and sets up a support plan for the weeks ahead. Guests could bring handwritten promises of support, not in the form of “I’ll pop in for a cuddle” but in the form of “I’ll do the school run every Tuesday,” or “I’ll stock your fridge with easy meals,” or “I’ll come and run the hoover over so you can rest.”

This is what it truly means to mother the mother. If you’ve been searching for baby shower alternatives that actually help, this is the answer.

The Call to Change

Every mother deserves this. Every baby deserves a mother who is supported, nourished, and not running on empty. By changing the way we think about baby showers, we can help rebuild the lost village in micro-moments of care. So the next time you’re invited to a baby shower, ask yourself: What can I give that will truly ease her load, soothe her mind, and honour her journey?

Because the greatest gift you can give a mother isn’t wrapped in paper, it’s wrapped in care.