Why You’re Still Struggling with Intrusive Thoughts (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)

For many new mothers, motherhood is not just sleepless nights and endless feeds; it’s also an emotional whirlwind that few people prepare you for. If you’ve been experiencing distressing, unwanted thoughts that seem to come out of nowhere, thoughts that frighten you, make you question yourself, or leave you feeling ashamed, you are not alone.

They’re called intrusive thoughts, and while they feel isolating, they are far more common than most people realise.

What Are Intrusive Thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts are sudden, unwanted images or fears that pop into your mind, often about something happening to your baby, sometimes even imagining yourself causing harm. Thoughts like:

• “What if I drop the baby down the stairs?”

• “What if I lose control and do something terrible?”

• “What if I can’t love my baby?”

If this has happened to you, please take a deep breath: you are not a bad mother. These thoughts don’t mean anything about who you are. They’re a symptom of anxiety and stress, not a reflection of your intentions, your love, or your capacity to care.

Studies show that up to 100% of new mothers experience some form of unwanted, distressing thoughts about harm befalling their baby. These thoughts are particularly common in the early weeks after birth, when your body, brain, hormones, and nervous system are adjusting to a massive life shift.

Why Do These Thoughts Happen?

Intrusive thoughts are often the result of a hyper-alert nervous system. Your brain is trying, sometimes clumsily, to protect your baby by imagining worst-case scenarios and feeling it's sussed everything out. Add in hormonal changes, exhaustion, overstimulation, and the immense pressure to be “a perfect mum,” and it’s no wonder your brain starts to feel overloaded.

From a scientific and therapeutic perspective, we now understand that:

• Your body and nervous system hold stress in your jaw, chest, shoulders, gut, or hips.

• Your brain may be trying to anticipate danger, but overcompensating in ways that feel frightening.

• Your past experiences and environment, especially trauma, anxiety, or perfectionism, can shape how these thoughts show up.

  
  

And here’s something you need to hear:

• Having an intrusive thought does not mean you’ll act on it.

• Feeling horrified by a thought is actually a sign that you are a safe, loving parent.

But I’m in Therapy—Why Haven’t These Thoughts Stopped?

This is something many mothers ask. You might already be in talking therapy, and yet the thoughts still come. Why? Because thoughts don’t live in the mind alone, they live in the body.

You can talk about your fears for hours, but if your nervous system is still stuck in “danger mode,” your body keeps reliving the panic. And when the body doesn’t feel safe, the mind follows.

That’s why true healing often means going beyond talking therapy alone. We need to work with the whole body-brain system.

So What Helps?

Healing from intrusive thoughts involves learning to soothe the nervous system, interrupt the anxiety cycle, and build trust in yourself again.

That might include:

• CBT to gently challenge anxious thinking patterns

• Somatic therapy to release stress stored in the body

• Breathwork to calm your fight-or-flight response

• Mindfulness to observe thoughts without fear

• Hypnotherapy to access calm at a subconscious level

• Trauma-informed support if your thoughts are rooted in past experiences

These tools don’t work in isolation; they’re most effective when blended in a way that fits you.

You Are Not Too Much. You Are Not Broken. You Are Not Alone.

Intrusive thoughts are incredibly distressing, but they are also incredibly treatable. With the right support, you can stop spiralling. You can feel safe in your body again. You can begin to trust your mind. You are still the loving, capable mother you’ve always been; these thoughts don’t change that. If you’re ready to start gently soothing your system, get in contact with me either by booking a free consultation or emailing me at selinawilson@selinawilsontherapy.com.

There’s no pressure. No expectation. Just a soft space to land.

Because you don’t have to go through this alone. And healing is possible.